Last night I have ended the sweet love about 2 year with the girl who I love so much, and I almost devote  all myself to her. But acturally, she does't understand me, understand my heart.
  I known why she chooses this way to end up the relationship between me and her: she really doesn't love me. she has a boyfriend previously, and she always keep in touch with him. May be my appearance is wrong for her, I promised to her not give her up because I love her, but I can't give her up. But acturally I made a decision about geting away with her.
 If she really loves me she should keep away from the guy who threatened her and me, she should know. but acturall I am not, may be I am not the one must glue to someone to survie. I am not live for love, I live for looking the world to enjoying the world.
  so i shut down myself, and never let myself up again, never let my true love give anyone else for ever till I met the real one who loves me.
 now I am down, I should reset myself and never looking back, because the last is last never to be the future.
I feel nothing except I have been falling in love with the wrong girl.
I didn't know what's the future, all I need is to accumulate all my strength to fight against my enemy whom I hated very much,  lost lover lover all because of him.
I shouldn't have this feeling, let all the past go!
Just keep an eye on wha't going on  in the future, forget her and all the detail things between me and her.

    Yes, I am sure of she loves me, and I am very confidence of I love her since the last conflict and the long waiting for her to come back to me.
    I respect her as I think love the respect between she and me, if one day she loves some other guys I will prey for happyness of her tomorrow. but i think she woundn't, becasue she loves me so much that  i can't using language to express my feelings.
   it's finally to be my wife. I love you my lord if you can hear me.
   Nobody can tear us down, I am her, she is my, it's the upmost condition between me and her.
   the next is work hard to support the family, although the ecnomics condition is not good, but I think we can support!

   I am keeping love her, and I don't what's the result, what's the ending. We have fighted  against  each other, love is fighting. I throwed my mobile phone on the ground, it destroyed, I also throwed a bottle of vine into the ground, so loud the sound it made. But I knew it's very sophisticated and very complicated. She said she doesn't believe me as My lust never stopping.
  Yes, I don't want to be life with her as she can't forget her pre-boy friend. I should make here sure that she loves me rather than here ex-boyfriend. If so why we stay together and face each other very day and night. It's unfair for me, because I have devoted all myself to love her.
  Yes, I complained about the inability of her being graduating from university and haven't found a good job. It's fatal hardship if I choose her to be my wife as the condition in china, especially the unemployment so popular. If I married her, her income so little and we can't buy a house and she also can't conceive because we can't support our lives and the cost of raising a child.
  But all above can't make my love stop. I never gives up my courage to make her happy as I have choose her be my girl friend and my wife.
  May be above all is my illusion, but I think I believe my Lord God, he is seeing what happened, and he is the witness between me and her.
  working is still one permanent topics, I have to stay up and go on my dream to a true computer scientist and never give it up.
  I love my so cherish, so precious, so Please see God.

   The first time i drunk too much, and really got drunk, I even didn't know I  vommitted in the toilet and who get me on to bed who took off my clothe. So ridiculous! For love, For deeply love, For tommorrow, my self inferiours makes me very frustrated, i want someone to be my wife, but why my soul prevent me from being accepted this.
   Fall into love with the girls who has boy friend and not a virgin, whether she's a virgin or not, i don't care, i just care we are human nature, so man can have many sex with many girls, why girls can't, so i respect them.
   But I am the third person who has broken into her life and teared down the good old relationship with her boyfriend  and slept with her just as my wife.
   i can't do this, so i must end this relationship with her whom i don't want let her leave me. Because I haven't have a girl friend now, the only one left me last year when I got into dark work and hard life. Now I am the same condition as last year except I haven't resign my job and transfter myself to another city and to restart my life.
   I love winter, I love winter when i can't found my love.
   you even don't know how much alcohol i have drank. 500ml pure alcohol. Oh, my lord i am pride i can drink 500ml pure alcohol 50 degree alcohol.
  I lost myself, and didn't know who am where I were.
  May be you can say: you are dead! , Yes, dead , but it's a short time l am in faint.
  Only God knowns me, He/She created me, god is a man, god is a women, i think he 's not a human, he's most holy.
  I hurted myself physically, I fell onto the ground 4 times. my hand and my leg hurt now, and my head is blooding now,  i even hurted my head.
  This is my love, yes i think it's love.

      I　feel very depressed , I　know why this. Love the girls belong to other guys. I scared  one day i lost her. I have nothing, can't make her happy. I am listening music all day long. I even can't breathe. My lord, why make mock on me.
     I want to move to other place  to seek my ambition if i can't give my love to her.
     Yes' i changed myself. again. I will go to the darkness again. Hurt deeply.
     May be I shouldn't go back to Chengdu. I should stay in Beijing where my love is starting grouping.
     I couldn't lost myself, yes I lost myself again in chengdu.
    

    I received call from somewhere when I was considering my career and put on all my energy into the IPhone development, Nokia come.
  I have a chance to go abroad to to to FinLand.
  One week , I accepted this rivals. I will devote all my energy to  this.
  一直在思考， IT 没有前途， 我应该做什么， IT现在机会告诉我机会还是有的这要看你怎么去想了。

  周未在家看了两部片子， 一部是战争， 一部是盛情（可以说是三级片）， 值的一看， 看完后学得空空的， 同时也觉得怎么样去恋爱。同时也像儿狼一样很想fucking someone...
  The.Battle.for.Middle.Earth.2009. 你可以在电驴上下到：
  感触是当你的生命受到威胁时， 虽然你害怕， 但是还是要冲上去， 为了自己的祖国， 为了你挚爱的妻子， 为了你的父母。 男人啊。。。
 第二部:
  diary.of.a.sex.addict.2008

  讲一个少女在15岁时被日了， 不是被强迫而是不知道， 我想是由于少年时血气方刚吧， 应该是问长叛逆的时代。 当时不是处女以后，她觉得被羞辱了， 本来已经下楼了， 可是又上来了， 第二次making love..
 then stil making love.
 大学毕业后， 她爱上了一个有妻的男人， 天天做爱， 男人还是离开她了。 她的感情到了低谷。。。
 后来又相遇了一个男人：应该是怎么样去恋爱， 可是日子不常， 那个男人有精神病。。后来她还是离开了。。
 有下朋友一直在她的身边。。。
 渡过了那段时间后， 她觉得她的身体在复苏（就是想做爱）， 可是又没有对象。。
 这个时候又没有钱。。她去当了prostitute. and making love.
  ....she want to commit suicide..but no.
 最后一个人感动了她。。她不做妓女了。。
。。。。。。。。。

       第天我要面对电脑10几个小时, 能不受到伤害吗? 我真的很累, 以前最是这样. 我放弃了, 我逃避了. 我不停的反省我自己, 我是有能力的, 没有我不能做的事情, 就是时间的问题.
      今天我突然觉得, 我没有错误. 错误的原因是我的年少, 可是人在年少的时候是要经历一些东西的, 这样老了才有回忆, 同时也增加了自己的社会阅历.
      这么多以后才知道, 如果你越是靠近真理, 你的健康就要受到威胁, 什么原因了. 就是对什么东西痴迷以后, 你就把所有时间都放到追求的身上, 你忽略了你重要的敌人, 死亡. 他让你觉得恐怖, 你还有很多事情才刚刚起步.
     所以啊, 有一个健康的身体, 一个健康的思想, 是长生不老的良药, 从下周我要喝茶了,  从现在起注意自己的健康.
    吃饭要慢慢吃, 不要囫囵吞枣, 会伤胃的,  不吸烟, 少喝酒, 不熬夜.
    让自己健康起来!

    基本已经快稳定了， 但是心里总是觉得缺点什么， 是什么， 是女人， 每天一个人睡觉真还是无聊， 总想醒来时有个女人在身边。
可是我发现在我没有时间去培养感情， 感情是什么， 不就是我爱你， 你爱我， 结果是fucking with others, when you got a feeling someone loves you, so you got a impulse to fuck her or him. it's strange I don't have time to manage my feeling. Only have i have time to programming to study, to be a computer scientist, it's very fantasy that when you are all absorbed in computer world, many things which is new for you ,  you never know it before. So i want explore it.
  我总喜欢新的东西， 新的女人。 只有在我的寂寞的时候才会想起女人just a thing makes you happy when you are making love with her. 也许我变态了。
  我也不知道为什么我没有时间去管理感情， 我只知道为了生活去工作， 这就是我. It's me!
 原因是什么， 是自卑， 是的， 是它， 要不是它， 了许我现在很好。 也要感谢它， 因为有了它， 这才是我前进的动力， 我不知道上帝为什么选择我。
  本来是庸人， 可是为什么变成了有知识有文化的知识分子。
  其实我想当庸人， 如果没有 我自卑的心里的话。。。。。。
  事情就要这样发展的吧.
  不过现在的心情平静多了， 真的很多了， 经历过了， 才知道妈妈说的那一句话：馍馍是面做的！

  All times passed by, and now my dreams come true: now I successfully transfer me to another computer techniques : embeded system development: iphone, android, may be symbian.
  It's a hard long time to realize it which I have lost a lot: money, my family support, but they still support me whenever I am to be and whenever I am.
  Tired ...
  Yes very tired of learning another language (Object c language), but all it's over,  now I can see I have known this language.
   As for my love, still searching, that small girl refused me , thank for my God I didn't go to the company she worked.
  I know the road which I face will be fierce provocative for me, but I accept it. 
 

      May be I have been  falling in love her. And I have dreamed I and she has a child, and I love her so much.
      It's dreamming, but the dismile on her face gives I should do something to prove me and to pusuit her.
      She's my angel after I have rebirthed myself when I was in dispaire and very depressed in a long unemploymented.
      ....................................................................................................................................
      It's the special present the God gives me for my unemployment and long time depression. 
      My angel is flipping in my heart...
      I never have a feeling to make love her when i with her, may be true love will come, but i like her. May be it's my destiny, my after life with her....
      I am now waiting in this conner waiting for she can accept me. 

      May be i am daydreaming now, but i have chance, everyday i can see her...